Independence vs. entitlement

Yesterday we had Pastor Vince Larson from San Diego as our guest speaker at Spirit of Life Bible Church in Woodbury. A young pastor in his 20’s, Larson co-founded Anchor Gaslamp Church in San Diego.

I was impressed and inspired by his message on how we should not only have faith and know the truth, but also live out the faith and truth in action.

Larson shared a little bit from his life. He mentioned that both he and his wife were laid off at one time, but God provided in miraculous ways, including getting some financial help from parents and friends.

"It was killing my pride to have to accept charity from others," he said.

His words struck me, as my mind was still fresh with stories I heard in China about how young people feel entitled to all the help they can get from their parents.

Generally speaking, I think young people in the US have a better sense of independence and responsibility. They start working and living independently from their parents at a young age. They are independent and self supportive.

I heard that some young people here don’t like to take free money from their parents. If they need money, they borrow and repay back, even with interests. That is unheard of in China.

I have relatives in China who work their tails off even after their retirement so they can help their kids buy a house (apartment), a car, or other stuff, and take care of grand kids.

I know young people in their 20’s or older who live off their parents, even after their marriage. They feel entitled to their parents’ life savings, and parents feel responsible for providing everything for their kids.

There is a lack of independence and responsibility among young people in China. It’s partly because of parents’ overindulgence in children.

No doubt, parents in China are very giving and selfless towards their children. But when it reaches the point of overindulgence, it creates problems.

There is a lot to learn from parents in the US to teach kids independence and responsibility at a young age, so they develop a healthy sense of pride and self reliance.


What dads and moms need to know

I recently read the book “What Dads Need to know about Daughters / What Moms Need to know about Sons” by John and Helen Burns.

The Burns are internationally known speakers on marriage, family, and relationships. They also pastor Relate Church, a thriving family church with three worship centres in the Vancouver area.

The book provides advices on how to raise sons and daughters to become healthy, mature, and loving adults.

One of the ideas talked about in the book is to have a regualr parent-child date to foster a close relationship and friendship. I knew that and read about it many times. But I haven’t put it into practice yet.

I know I should. It is a great idea.

The top 10 things children really want

An article posted online at Lifehack on December 29, 2009 titled: 
"The Top 10 Things Children Really Want Their Parents to Do With Them" is worthing sharing here.

Many moms today feel as if they are not good mothers unless they are racing around, shuttling their children from lessons to practices, and back to lessons again. What do you think matters most to your children? You driving them to lessons and practices? Or the smile and hug you greet them with after school?

If you guessed the latter, you are correct.

Here is a list of the top 10 things students around the world said they desire most from their mothers.

  1. Come into my bedroom at night, tuck me in and sing me a song. Also tell me stories about when you were little.
  2. Give me hugs and kisses and sit and talk with me privately.
  3. Spend quality time just with me, not with my brothers and sisters around.
  4. Give me nutritious food so I can grow up healthy.
  5. At dinner talk about what we could do together on the weekend.
  6. At night talk to me about anything: love, school, family etc.
  7. Let me play outside a lot.
  8. Cuddle under a blanket and watch our favorite TV show together.
  9. Discipline me. It makes me feel like you care.
  10. Leave special messages in my desk or lunch bag.

Children are incredibly wise and tend to see the world more simply than we do. Perhaps it is time we start taking their advice.  

Maybe we would all feel a little less stressed and be satisfied with the fact that doing little things really is… good enough.