To be an effective leader, you have to have effective communication skills. An important part of developing effective communication skills is to develop effective listening skills.
The first step in developing effective listening skills is to be aware of the barriers to effective listening, and to understand and eliminate those barriers that block effective communications.
There are 12 commonly known blocks to listening.
1. Comparing – Comparing makes it hard to listen because you are too busy trying to compare one person with another.
2. Mind Reading – Instead of paying attention to what is said, you try to figure out what the other person is really thinking and feeling in an effort to see through to the truth.
3. Rehearsing – You do not have time to listen or pay attention to listening when you are
rehearsing what to say. Your whole attention is on the preparation and crafting of your next comment.
4. Filtering – When you filter, you listen to some things and not to others. You hear what you want to hear, and avoid what you don’t want to hear and let your mind wander.
5. Judging (prejudging)
If you prejudge someone or label someone negatively, you do not pay much attention to what he says.
6. Dreaming
You are half-listening, and something the person says suddenly triggers a chain
of private associations. You are more prone to dreaming when you feel bored or anxious.
7. Identifying
You take everything a person tells you and refer it back to your own
experience. Everything you hear reminds you of something that you have felt,
done, or suffered. You launch into your story before they can finish theirs.
8. Advising
You are the great problem-solver, ready with help and suggestions. You do not have to hear more than a few sentences before you begin searching for the right advice.
9. Sparring
Your focus is on finding things to disagree with. The way to avoid sparring is
to repeat back and acknowledge what you have heard. Look for one thing you
might agree with.
One subtype of sparring is the put-down. You use sarcastic remarks to dismiss
the other person’s point of view. A second type of sparring is discounting.
Discounting is for people who cannot stand compliments.
10. Being Right
You will go to any lengths to avoid being wrong. You cannot listen to criticism, you cannot be corrected, and you cannot take suggestions to change.
11. Derailing
You change the subject suddenly. You derail the train of conversation when you get bored or uncomfortable with a topic.
12. Placating
You want to be nice, pleasant, and supportive. You want people to like you – so you agree with everything. You half-listen, but you are not really involved.
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